so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
