on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
