I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
