the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
the condom got lost in my hair
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize