R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My life is pants optional.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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