it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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