Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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