She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We got so high we made milksteak
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
