do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
