So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
