I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
