Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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