So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
