what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
babies were throwing up all over the place
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
