I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
