i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
