I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
