summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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