he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
