oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
