also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
