so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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