Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
