Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He better not be in your backpack
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
