Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
