how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize