WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
