Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
