you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
