The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
