i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
