she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
