i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
