i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize