guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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