hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I got inside last night via doggy door
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
