I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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