I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
