now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
she peed on how many people?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
