Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
