hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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