This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
