is your mom at the bar?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
