HIV tests are more positive than that guy
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
