ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
so let's talk penis.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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