don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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