my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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