i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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