pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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