Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
