you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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