We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
