ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
