My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
