Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize