I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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