Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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