I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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