I wanna passion pit in your ass
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
