the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
