I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
