and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
