The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
