I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
