I heard we made out
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
