No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
